Mary Sue's Adventures in Middle Earth
by Riona
Summary: Because sometimes there are just too many Mary Sues to resist parodying. Er, perhaps there are too many Mary Sue parodies as well. Shh.


This started off as me trying to deliberately write an obvious Mary-Sue so I could upload it on under a fake account and see how many people got pissed off. Alas, for I cannot write a serious Mary-Sue for long, and at the end it dissolved into full-out parody. Oh, well! 

Oh, and the fact that Amy's full name is an anagram of 'Mary-Sue' is NOT a coincidence. You might want to look closely at the fake Elvish, too.

-

Amy Reus put down her copy of Lord of the Rings and gazed out of the window, bored. She was a beautiful teenager, tall and confident, with long, flowing, sapphire hair with gold highlights that almost swept the ground (a/n I was originally going to have it sweeping the ground but then lots of dead leaves and stuff would get in it.) Anyway, her eyes were a deep, beautiful shade of violet which complemented the sapphire hair perfectly. My ears - well, her ears were slightly strange. They had points on them, which nobody had ever been able to explain.

Looking for something to do, her eyes fell on her open copy of 'The Fellowship of the Ring'. She was stunned when she saw that the words were shifting, changing. Astonished, I picked up the book and repeated what was now written there.

_Morco pé secofeya aran,  
Apsa cole fantasie taje,  
Raumo suketa mantara koie,  
Yavannië kisaba feleta noier,  
Siré hwan hubera nute,  
Urco tenyaba liebade sote,  
Elda na kobore daye!_

There was a flash of light, a deafening sound, and then silence.

-

"_Hsivle tihsllub pu-edam ym raef_," Elrond murmured to Legolas as they headed to the council.

"_Ti yub lliw enoyna fi rednow i_," responded the handsome blonde elf, reaching his place and sitting down in his place.

"Bring forth the Ring," ordered Elrond. Suddenly a teenager appeared in a chair.

"Where am I?" she asked, her violet eyes wide.

"You are at the secret Council of Elrond," explained Elrond. "I see you are a halfelven, like me. Take a seat. What is your name?"

"Amy Reus," said Amy. She sat down, flicking her silky blue hair back over her shoulder.

"Amy Reus." mused Aragorn to himself. "Was that not the name of my sister.?"

"Now we must discuss the Ring," announced Elrond. "Frodo Wood, bring it forwards."

Frodo placed the ring on the little tabley thing. Everyone stared at it.

"The-" began Aragorn.

"Wait!" said Gimli. "What is that?" He was pointing to the diamond ring on Amy's finger.

"Quit staring at me!" Amy snapped. "Stop looking at my stuff!"

"Another Ring of Power!" gasped Orlando.

"We will destroy that, too," said Elrond.

"NO. WAY!" yelled Amy. "This is MY RING! I paid for it!"

"But it's evil!" protested Boromir.

"Fine. For the good of Middle-Earth, I shall destroy this ring."

"So it is settled. Amy must go with Frodo when he goes to destroy his ring, so she can destroy the other one."

"I shall come with you," said Legolas. He knelt at my feet. "You have my bow."

"And you have my sword," said Aragorn.

All the other people in the Fellowship said similar things.

"Ten companions," mused Elrond. "Very well. You ten shall be the Fellowship of the Ring!"

-

Amy rode ahead on her pure white horse, Sparkle. She stroked her mane gently.

_We've got a long way to go, Sparkle,_ Amy said telepathically to the horse.

_Don't worry. You'll be fine,_ replied Sparkle.

_What about Legolas? He's so dreamy._

_Keep your mind on the job!_ said her horse. _Where are Lyf and Snowmist?_

_I think they're coming._ Amy held out her wrist and Lyf alighted on it. _Hey, Lyf. Any news of Snowmist?_

The eagle preened his feathers. _Do you think I've got nothing better to do than go around tracking down tigers?_

_Yes,_ snapped Amy.

_Fine, fine,_ Lyf grumbled. He flew off.

"We must go up the Snowy Mountain," cried Gandald.

Amy knew there was going to be an avalanche. "Let's not bother. I heard on the weather forecast that there would be avalanches today."

"OK," said Gandalf.

Legolas ran until he had caught up with me. "Amy?" he whispered?

"Yes?" she asked, looking down at him.

"I think... no, it's stupid. It doesn't matter."

"But -" Amy faltered as she watched the sexy elf fall behind again. She spurred Sparkle on until they were at the Mines of Moria.

"Speak, friend, and enter," said Ganfalf, reading from the sign. "We need the password. _Eus-yram a si siht_!"

Nothing happened. One of the Hobbits started throwing stones into the water.

"Don't!" said Amy, catching his hand. "There are bad things in the water, so don't throw stuff in!"

"Sorry," said the Hobbit.

Amy turned her attention to the door. "It's a riddle!" Remembering the Elvish for 'friend', she stood in front of the door. "Melon!"

The door opened, and the Fellowship went in. There were lots of dead guys there. Suddenly a tentacle grabbed Frodo!

"EMETAHUOY!" yelled Amy, holding out my hands. A lot of fire came and killed the tentacle thing. Frodo was OK, though.

"Thank you, Amy," said Elijah. Then they all went back in.

Gimli kept on going on about how cool this place was, so Amy went off ahead. She saw a creature and realised it was Gollum, so I shot it with an arrow.

They went on, and then the Orcs came. Amy killed loads of them with her sword, and Legolas was really impressed.

Then the Balrog came. Amy managed to hurt it with her ice magic, but they were forced to run away, over the bridge. Gandalf stayed back to kill the Balrog. When the Balrog fell off the bridge, it whipped its whip around Gandalf's leg, and he fell. Suddenly, Lyf flew down and caught him and brought him back up.

"Thank you, Amy," said Legolas. "You saved Gandal's life!"

"It was nothing," said Amy modestly. Then they went to the place where Boromir tried to take the Ring. When Frodo went off on his own, Amy followed him.

When Boromit tried to get the Ring, Amy stepped out. "Boromir." She looked at him reproachfully.

Boromir dropped his hand. "I'm sorry, Frodo."

"Thanks, Amy," said Elijah.

Then Frodo went away. An Orc shot Boromir a lot. Boromir died.

"NO! BOROMIR!" cried Amy. She knelt down beside him, crying.

Suddenly Boromir sat up. "Quiet down, that crying will wake the dead and... Oh."

Legolas appeared. "I LOVE YOU, AMY!"

"I love you too!"

And they nanced off into the sunset and lived happily ever after.


End file.
